broke
Do you ever have those days when you find yourself in such an inexpressible mood of ambiguous blah? Like, you don’t really feel bad: no one died, your not wallowing in iniquity, no one screamed at you and you managed to drive around town without totalling your car. But you just don’t feel good either. You just feel messed up. Like something is broken and you cant figure it out, cant even really find the words to express it other than…well, messed up.
Do you suppose that is something yelling from the inside that this world is broken? Things aren’t right, and not just in you, but in the world? I’m not a pessimist, and I’m not a cynic after 9 a.m., but I refuse to believe that this world is so happy. I don’t think the American dream of golden retrievers and boats really work; it’s not reality. I see events like Sierra Leon, Darfur, and Iraq and see turmoil with tears, broken lives, but never much healing or joy.
Why? What makes our soul ache like this? What robs men of peace and lies to them telling them that the pursuit of happiness and success is the most important thing when there are people dieing in mass genocide from 12 year old killers and rapists? Mothers kill their children, molestations, gruesome and macabre murder, abortion. What the hell is wrong with us?
Would I be so presumptuous to claim it as sin? Would I really be overstepping my bounds to say it is the depraved state of mankind, laced with evil, that rebuke and run from what is righteous? There is no other option, what else makes the world the way it is? Sin, and the sinners who commit them.
Tell me there aren’t days when your chest feels tight and you feel like crap and you cant figure it out, cant even talk about it because you cant understand it. And we walk about through our day “Hey John how are you?” “O, I’m doin just fine. How bout you Jack?” “Fine.”
BS we’re doin fine. We’re lost and don’t even know it; there is just some hunch in our chests that grows heavy every once and a while when we begin to think of morality and truth.
BS we’re doin fine. Because if we were we wouldn’t have a problem. Murder, rape, and every other evil thing one man can do to another wouldn’t occur. Peace would reign, joy would flow.
BS we’re doin fine. We’ve abandoned Jesus at the dinner table and have made love with the world in the next room. And it wasn’t a one night stand; we are still trying to make it work.
Flood
Rain, rain on my face
It hasn’t stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud
But if I can’t swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up – when I’m falling
Lift me up – I’m weak and I’m dying
Lift me up – I need you to hold me
Lift me up – Keep me from drowning again
Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I’m losing control
Dark sky all around
I can’t feel my feet touching the ground
Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me
(Jars of Clay, Flood)
To be honest, I never really understood this song. Something about rain and drowning and it probably had something to do with Noah. But it had a good rhythm.
But alas, the Lord sees fit to open our eyes and hearts when we are ready, and not before, and so after a week of sin and constant spiritual attack; I am becoming accountable that the words I say indeed prove that I am a fool, and that they hurt and tear down instead of build up; that I have become selfish, hunting for laughter to build my pride while sacrificing my brothers and sisters; discovering a title for the gospel that I have known and love happens to begin with “Calvin” and ends with “ism”; I feel so exhausted. Everywhere I see proof of my complete depravity and that, even though I wish not to, I still am a monster of iniquity.
And the problem of transgressing in a community that actually cares for the spiritual health of its family is that you cannot hide it away. No, almost instantly you must become accountable and take responsibility. And so a collection of brothers come up, praise the Lord for them!, to offer encouragement, love, and counsel to bring back to the Church the transgressor, that the Lord’s gift of repentance can be felt in His gift of Grace. The problem, or perhaps blessing, depending on which side of repentance you stand, of asking forgiveness, is that it is so danged humbling. And there is no escape.
A weeks worth of mistakes is alot to be accountable for, and at least to me, feels like an overwhelming flood of despair. And yet, Praise Jesus, the King of Kings has conquered my heart, and because He loves me, He sanctifies me. “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified” (Romans 8:29-30 NASB).
I can not imagine how a crime-stained worker of iniquity and the Just Creator of All Things can ever be forged together except for on the anvil of Jesus Christ, in which hope does not disappoint. And all imaginings of life without grace irresistible tend to become visions of Hell.
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Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
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Praise Him, all creatures here below;
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Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host;
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Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Indeed, Amen.
We Have At Least 11 New Family Members
This is from the blog of the mission team in Guatemala my mother is on. (It is public on Internet so I dont think anything is information sensitive). See http://www.outboundguatemala.com/ for more info.
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MEDICAL REPORT
June 9th, 2007
I have found it quite humbling to see the conditions, poverty and health of a people so close to home with so very little. It makes me feel embarassed to have so much when these folks have so little. I wish everyone could see the precious faces of the children. That is what gets me the most are the eyes and smiles of these little children. The older women almost always want to hug and kiss you in pure respect and thanks for the very little we have done for them. And when I say ´´little´´ I mean little. We are only able to do bandaid medicine here. It is not possible to have all of the medicine we need to help every problem these people have. We are able to throw maybe a months worth of drugs at them but you know that that will not be enough to make a long term difference. But the caveat to that frustration is that they are hearing the word of God, we are showing them the love of God and hopefully they will know we love them and Gods people truly care about them. Eleven people accepted Christ as their Savior yesterday and I am not sure how many from the day before. So we know that we are making an eternal difference.
On a personal note, I have not once had to use an outhouse or a hole in the ground as I was prepared to do. Thank the Lord for that. One member of our team did see three boys go out into a field with a roll of toilet paper and cop a squat, one boy on each side holding the other middle boy up. What a site that must have been| I will never take for granted new underwear, or any underwear for that matter ever again.
We have fed the mountain villagers two days in a row. They are so appreciative. There are so many of them.
Today a dentist will be at the clinic with us. I was so afraid I would not have the skills to triage and assess these patients because my skills are labor and delivery related. God has given me confidence and I am working with a great medical team of two other nurses, a fantastic physician, translators and pharmacy personnel. The entire team that is here has a purpose for being here. Each person performs a job God has ordained. We are led by Chris Halvorson who has orchestrated every detail with perfection. What a nice role for me to be a follower and not a decision maker. I feel so close to God down here and among people who love him and are serving him, some with great personal sacrifice.
The entire team helped us bag vitamins and other drugs in individual bags on our first day here. We are well equipped with what God has provided, but it just isn´t enough. I have a vision for more. I have a hope for next year. Can you believe I am already talking about next year¡
Off to the mountain we go for another day of looking in ears and mouths, praying we can make a lifetime and eternal difference in the lives of many.
Andrea Robertson, registered nurse
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Lets go.
Hosea
Derek Webb has been gifted in writing songs that make you want to wretch all of your insides for being so wicked. It isnt simply accusatory, it is beautifully poignant, true, and ecumenical to everyone, includeing himself. And they aren’t just protest songs that invoke thought, they are “Oh My God, what have I done, something is wrong, who can fix this?” sort of songs. I have never heard the gospel presented in such an unapologetic way. It is refreshing.
These lines are from his song, Wedding Dress (I dont know if I’m suppossed to ask for permission before I just post this, but at least I credited him).
“i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood”
And yet in Hosea, after we His people prositute ourselves to other gods and idols, to the seeking after fleshy lusts, popular esteem, abundance, and power, and deservedly incur the wrath of True Justice, He shows His love and grace upon us.
“Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight. Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. O Ephraim, what shall I do to you? O Judah, what shall I do to you? For your faithfulness is like a morning cloud, And like the early dew it goes away. Therefore I have hewn them by the prophets, I have slain them by the words of My mouth; And your judgments are like light that goes forth. For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, And the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings. ” –Hosea 6:1-6 (NKJV)
Simply cutting off the hand that causes us to sin, or gouging out the eye that causes us to lust, is not purely the answer for these are sacrificial. Consistant tithing and donations, revoking cable and internet, or attending AA meetings aren’t enough. We can never be good enough, even if compared to other fallen heads we seem better than they. “But we are all like an unclean thing, And all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away” (Isaiah 64:6 NKJV). Simply saying it isn’t enough.
For what then, is our hope?
I am battle weary and fatigued. Constant attack from my own, traitourous body (Romans 7: 14-20), and long for the peace of God to be with me. To no longer feel the effects of a broken world. But I will. And you will. And there isn’t anyway out for our choosing. So I ask again, for what then is our hope?
The Risen One, Jesus Christ.
“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6 NKJV).
And finally brethren, and those whom tary from the arms of Christ, I offer the words of the Spirit through Paul: “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5 NKJV).
Can we take off the doubt and the shame the whore us away from the Lord, laying aside every encumberance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and endure the race set before us? Not without Jesus. “On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.”
Second Wave
“Do you think The Girls will try anything tonight?” “…Probably.”
“Put out those lights!” “Lock the doors and shut those blinds, dangit!”
“Is that an airsoft gun? Sweet.” “Hey, hand me that bat.” “What about the badminton racket?”
Ready and poised, the men at the Arbour House prepared for the enemy’s offensive attack. How could they launch an assault so soon after their previous one? Why would they not conceal their identities with any more intelligence than they were doing?
The Arbour House sits on a corner, providing several fronts for a potential siege, yet consequently with a good field of view for surveillance. With their amateurish attempts of passing the house to scope for our presence, the girls gave themselves away. They were spotted long before their white SUV even parked.
The Men watched as the Girls’ rookie prankster, freshly recruited to the Axis of Evil, known enigmatically as Emma Bennet, boldly marched to the front door, taking no measures to conceal herself as she left their fancy scrapbooked note. With a single roll of TP, “Megan”, began her feeble attempt to wrap…an already wrapped tree. Possibly realizing her blunder, The Men watched as she made her way around to the East side of the Arbour Complex.
“Get the door, we charge her here.”
One of our team reached the door and quietly undid the latch. “Ready…GO!”
“AAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Mighty bellows from The Men erupted, as they charged the enemy white SUV with baseball bats and fists held high. “GET ON OUTTA HERE!”
The stoutest one of the group even out ran the rookie to her car door, where he got a clear eyeball identification of the other attackers, who cowardly let their junior member sacrifice her anonymity with a foolishly planned attack.
Later, another member of the Axis of Evil buzzed the house in her red vehicle. At one point she even gave herself away by honking! The counter-attack was the same. Men charged and gave mighty yells of assured victory.
As the red car sped off, she almost hit one of the men with her vehicle, proving, not only did The Girls plan this attack with too many mistakes, but that women drivers are unsafe.
“All I’m sayin is that according to the Bible, payback is Hell.”
Stay posted for more narrative of the pranking war. http://journeymen.wordpress.com/
